I could walk away from it all, but not really walk away from it all.
I could be just another wanderer,
and on my own, I could be happy.

Could I be happy?

I wonder

When life gives you lemons, will you be happy enough to stop writing about them?

Absolutely everything

I wonder where your house went. Your homely dark cavern where we spent years hiding out.
I wonder where our lunches went. Noodles and Soldiers, all stocked up and ready for us.
I wonder where our favourite music went, where our favourite places went.
I wonder, you know, because they're gone.

I live in the same house, with the same schools up the street, and the same beach down the street.
I live in the same city, the same country, with the same people and places as always.
The same stores line the bottom of my street, the same buildings line the top of my street.

And yet, everything I ever had is gone.

Everything's the same, but it's so the same, that it's all completely different.
Funny how only one thing has changed.
I'm just not happy anymore, and everything is a reminder why.

Not at all

I'm not happy with this.

Forgive and Forget

I'm not forgiving anyone for anything and I'm not forgetting anyone for anything.

It doesn't matter.
We're all alone.
I love the world,
but it's down to bone.
It doesn't matter.
We're all alone.
It doesn't
matter
doesn't
matter
doesn't
matter
anymore.

She looked so sad, I swear

I just remember you looked so sad, love. Tears edging at the corners of your eyes, your mouth shut tight.
So sad, so lonely, so lost. And I remember wanting to give you the biggest hug I ever possibly could right there.
Just taking your hand and leading you as far away as I could.
Getting in a car, driving into the sunset and never looking back.

I remember the way you sort of choked on your sobs for a while, trying not to cry, biting your lip.
You kept glancing behind yourself; kept checking if anyone was going to help you at all.

I know I should have helped you.
That was my job, there.
I should have helped you, love. You were just so sad.

I know I could have made you happy.

They've forgotten, haven't they?

I was thinking today, before I went to sleep, about lights.
The way darkness can seem comforting, or scary. The way sometimes having a little light shone on something makes you feel that much safer, or it makes everything glow in weird ways, casting creepy shadows around everything.

I don't know what any of this means, because it doesn't mean anything.
But I'm saying, I guess, that even if the lighting is terrifying, I'd still chase after the people I care about if they walked into darkness.

I'd be scared shitless, but I love them.
So darkness or blinding light, or anything in between, I'm there for them if they need me.
I am.
I want them to remember that.