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Friday, January 28, 2011

About growing into Santa lies

Prescott told me "it wasn't okay to lie when you were little because back then our parents fixed our mistakes." And I looked in his eyes, for once, to hear him say, "But since it's on our hides now, since we're looking out for our own skin...we only gotta tell 'em what they need to know."
It's true. It's true, so much that I need to repeat it twice. I need to repeat it twice because that's how I believe things. Once it's instilled in you you never question why anyone grows up at all, why people abandon you when you really need their help.
"But isn't it..." I took the moment to think. "Isn't it that, when you're older, you..." Because I've never been good with words outside, I didn't finish that line. Instead I placed my head on his head, my arm on his arm, and waited for the stars to fade.
Of course we fix our own mistakes, but some of those mistakes were- "It isn't true, what they say about growing older." He interrupts but it's all right because my thoughts never lead anywhere anyway.
And I wonder, "What do they say about growing older?" until he lays back in the snow and laughs.
Laughing like it's funny, how we all crash and burn.
Like the gutter is the biggest joke, and all you can do is laugh.
"Whatever they fucking feel like, princess." And I guess that makes nonsense.

None of it's even real.

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