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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Second letter sent

"I don't know what to say because it's hardly really anything at all, but...
I think everything here is used up and I should leave because my family is a dead-end and I haven't even been back to school and the ...
Well I'm not sure what to call it, but the thing my doctor contacted about my quote "issues" is going to take at least two months for the waiting list, and everything is just ridiculous. 
I want to move away and be someone else, who didn't fall in love with her (straight) best friend and a boy who...didn't wait around, to say the least. 
I want to be someone who isn't afraid to go to school, who isn't afraid to talk to people, or leave the house even.
I want to be someone completely different, who doesn't think the way I do, or the thoughts I do, and someone who isn't me at all. 

This house is crumbling and dead, my parents don't even love each other anymore. I don't see why they're still together other than "for us kids", but we hate them being together because all they do is yell and it makes everything tense and uncomfortable. 
I was clean, cutting wise, for months. Not even a single cut since before school started. Since that week I spent round Meeka's in the summer. But things have gone for a turn towards terror, and it really fucking blows. I found way better ways to hurt myself because I had to make my thoughts stop screaming. 
I'm sick and tired of this whole, entire life now. I feel like at 14, I'm already used up and wrinkled. Time folded my skin over and over with scars, with experience in all the wrong things. 
This isn't okay anymore and neither am I. 

I think I want to move away or die now."

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