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Monday, June 7, 2010

Repetition

Last night I was thinking about the word Ridiculous.

I was thinking about alternative ways to pronounce it -RIdiculous. RiDICulous. RIDICUlous.RIDIcuLOUS-and then.... BAM! 
It got stuck in my head.
And it just kept going on this circle, repeating the many different ways I'd figured out to pronounce it.
It just kept going and going and going and going....
and I couldn't turn it off.

Like a compulsion. Like my brain just couldn't, wouldn't stop. So it didn't.
Like there was nothing in the world that could have made it go away.

I covered my head, hummed, listened to the radio, listened to old CD's... I shut my eyes, held them tight, tighter. But nothing worked. That stupid word just kept going and going through my head.

Now I hate the word.
It sounds painful and repetitive to me.
And it shows I have absolutely no control over what I think about.

So, I guess you could say, if I was thinking about a certain event, or night... I guess you could say it might do the same thing as that word.
And I guess you could say it's a little scary.

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