Talking with my mother.

I felt sort of understood, almost. She said, "I just want for you to get through the rest of this year and into another school."
She just wants it all to be over, too.
She said, "My sweet, I'm not angry. I'm not disappointed."

I was happy, tears in my eyes. But I had my back turned, just in case those silly little tears tried to get out.

And then, then on the couch, alone, I remember I have to go back tomorrow. Something close to 29 more days of school. I feel the sting from my hips, the blade in my pocket digging into my thigh.
I remember I'm stuck for 29 more days, and then I have to get up in front of everyone in a dress. Bare legs, but how do I keep them clean of cuts?

I forgot the pain,
but then I remembered it.

I remembered It, and It still haunts me.

I'm not ready for this.
Oh god...no way I'm ready for this...